I've never experienced anything quite like this - this being pregnant after losing our last baby. It's a constant battle to reign in my thoughts, which swing like a pendulum from "of course it wouldn't happen to me again" to "of course it will go wrong - why shouldn't it?" It is not mine to know - it never is. I do not know whether I will wake tomorrow, yet I think I know that I will. Is my unborn child's life any different? He rests in the palm of his Father, just as I do.
So I pray and plead and fear each ultrasound. From my first blood tests the doctor told me it was all going wrong. Yet the strong, steady heartbeat on the screen speaks otherwise and mystifies medicine. "God, may this life be formed for YOUR glory."
I rejoice with each wave of nausea, am grateful for the painful hormone shots that may help sustain my baby's life. There's nothing like a little perspective to help one rejoice in momentary trial.
Oh, that we could see all of life that way! This beautiful post helped me immensly - I hope it will serve you too.