Matthew's Journal

I never dreamed I'd say this, but you're still waking two to three times at night and I barely even care. I'm so used to it now, that I just get up, walk across the hall to the office (where you sleep in the port-a-crib) and nurse you without ever fully waking up. I know you ought to be sleeping through the night, but I'm dreading and avoiding the cry-it-out treatment. But you're going to have to figure it out before you get to move downstairs with Isaac and share his newly-green room!

I really thought you'd be crawling by now but you're not quite there. You get up on all fours and rock and sometimes push yourself backwards. And you do manage to move a few feet or so, but you've never just crawled across the room. I guess I'm okay with that for a while – it makes my life easier! You're still such a snuggler too – you love to be held and to be up so you can see what's going on.

We've finally got you eating in the high chair at all three meals – sometimes you eat more, sometimes less. But you seem to like all manner of foods now, you just don't eat as much as I've come to expect from one of my kids. You really like hard things like Cheerios, but unfortunately I'd rather stick to mostly soft foods for now! I still supplement by nursing after each meal and before bed. (And during the night!)

Sometimes you'll just start laughing for no apparent reason, and then I'll realize how closely you've been watching everything going on around you. Because inevitably it will be Isaac doing a somersault across the room or Abby jumping off the couch or something else that I barely even noticed. You have a wonderful, bust-up laugh. I love it. You're pretty ticklish too.

Your hair is really coming in darker than I expected and you have a shock of it that sticks up in the middle of your head. You're in almost all twelve month clothes already – such a big boy! You love your daddy and you LOVE music. Sometimes you'll be fussy and all it takes is sitting you down at the piano or turning on the radio. Anytime you hear a rhythm you start bouncing to the beat. When I start singing “Kookaburra”, you keep your eyes glued to my face the entire song! (You have a definite preference for upbeat music.)

You've settled into a nice schedule – up at 7am and breakfast at 7:30. You take a morning nap from about 9-10am, then we usually go to the grocery store or library or something. We come home for lunch followed by another nap from about 1-3:30 or 1:30-4. Then we play and Daddy comes home for supper and bedtime is 8pm.

You are generally a happy guy except that you do HATE to be bored. Sometimes you'll be so fussy that I'll think you're getting sick, then suddenly we leave the house or go down to the playroom and you're a new man. It's like you really want new sights, new objects to look at, etc. You are VERY grabby and strong too, so it's hard to keep things out of your reach. Hmm, now that I think about it, maybe it's super nice that you're not crawling yet!

Abby's Journal

I suppose it serves me right to have a daughter who wants to be all grown up just like I did as a child. You protest being called “cute” because “I'm grown-up. I'm twenty-one.” Sometimes you'll stroke my head nurturingly and say, “I'm your mother. You are my child.” The other day you were almost in tears as you told me, “I wanted to be born first so I could be bigger than Isaac!” You've always got a baby doll tucked in somewhere around the house – in the linen armoire among the towels and napkins, in a bed made from a toy box, or resting on your own bed.

You're starting to recognize more letters – maybe half of them now? - and we haven't even really worked on it. You're quite indignant that Isaac gets to stay up at naptime to work on phonics. “When do I get to do reading? I've also noticed you playing the piano more and doing a lot of unprompted counting of objects.

We've settled into a nice routine now that colder weather is upon us. You are up by 7am. You help me make breakfast, often manning the toaster or stirring the eggs. The whole family eats together at 7:30 and Daddy is out the door before 8am. Then you and Isaac go downstairs to get dressed and play in the playroom while I shower and feed Matthew. Next we brush our teeth and do “jobs”. Every day you are responsible for emptying all of the wastebaskets and unloading the tupperware, measuring cups and mixing bowls from the dishwasher. Each day there is one additional chore: Monday- sort laundry from your hamper, Tuesday- dust your bedroom, Wednesday- water the houseplant, Thursday- put up clean kitchen and bathroom towels, Friday- dust the piano.

Then we do preschool while Matthew naps. We cozy up on the couch with our books or gather around the table with a cup of hot chocolate. Every day we read a poem from an anthology, a Bible story or a Proverb, and a read aloud. Just in the last two months we've gone through James Herriot's animal stories, “Old Mother West Wind”, and now we're on “Winnie the Pooh”. Then we do a small activity of some sort: playing with math manipulatives, making candles, listening to different styles of music, practicing writing your name, or matching fallen leaves to their trees. It's delightful! Usually we take a little trip somewhere when Matthew wakes up: the grocery store, the library, a playdate or a walk. After lunch, you and Isaac each pick a story to read before naps.

When you wake up we have a little snack. We might play a game together or build block towers in the playroom. Often you watch a half-hour movie while I feed Matthew and make supper. Once Daddy's home for supper, you love to snuggle with him or play “up on his feet”. Before bed we always read more stories, sing a song, and pray together. And that's how our days go.

Grammie took you on a “date” to watch a ballet class (since you talk about wanting to be a ballet-girl) and out to supper. Since that day you have spent a lot of time twirling around the living room, imitating what you saw. You even sit down with your legs spread out and stretch your fingers to reach your toes or do plies while using the arm of the couch as a barre. Your current favorite book is, appropriately, “Angelina Ballerina”. Like Angelina, you tell me that you dance in your dreams.

You're full of cute sayings. One evening Daddy kept you kiddos home while I got out of the house for a couple of hours. Towards the end of that time, you told Daddy, “When will Mama be home? I just want to be with a GIRL!” Another time Daddy told you how much he loves you and you responded, “Yep. I'm pretty much an angel.” Which you meant literally since you had spent the whole day “flying” around the house and coming to me every few minutes to ask me to “fix my wings”.

Isaac's Journal

Oh, Isaac, you're reading! Every weekday I let you “stay up late” at nap time and you and I snuggle on the couch to work on Alpha-Phonics together. So many times I'm tired and ready for a break and the last thing I want to do is teach reading. Then I step back and look at myself – I'm right where I've always dreamed of being. Teaching you to read is such a privilege and it's just downright thrilling to watch your excitement at “getting it”. And honestly you're getting it very readily. I only have to explain something once and you're off and running with it. Now you can read any short vowel word quite readily and often on sight - without even “sounding it out”.

I am in awe of the little man you're becoming. I hate to phrase things this way, but in a very silly “accounting” sense, you're becoming more of an asset than a liability. You are such a help around the house, you've really been playing nicely and taking leadership with your siblings, and you're even starting to figure out ways to serve and be kind on your own. For a long time I wondered if you would ever get past your whininess and rebellion, but I have been seeing such fruit and joy in you. It delights me more than you'll ever know (until you have your own children I suppose).

We've settled into a nice routine now that colder weather is upon us. You are up by 7am. You help me make breakfast or hang out with Daddy while he gets ready for work. The whole family eats together at 7:30 and Daddy is out the door before 8am. Then you and Abby go downstairs to get dressed and play in the playroom while I shower and feed Matthew. (Four months ago I couldn't trust you to play alone with Abby!) Next we brush our teeth and do “jobs”. Every day you are responsible for feeding and watering the cat as well as unloading the clean plates and bowls from the dishwasher. Each day there is one additional chore: Monday- sort laundry from your hamper, Tuesday- dust your bedroom, Wednesday- vacuum the basement, Thursday- clean the litter box, Friday- wipe down the bathroom.

Then we do preschool while Matthew naps. We cozy up on the couch with our books or gather around the table with a cup of hot chocolate. Every day we read a poem from an anthology, a Bible story or a Proverb, and a read aloud. Just in the last two months we've gone through James Herriot's animal stories, “Old Mother West Wind”, and now we're on “Winnie the Pooh”. Then we do a small activity of some sort: playing with math manipulatives, making candles, listening to different styles of music, practicing writing your name, or matching fallen leaves to their trees. It's delightful! Usually we take a little trip somewhere when Matthew wakes up: the grocery store, the library, a playdate or a walk. After lunch you're in charge of rinsing the lunch dishes. You and Abby each pick a story to read before naps. After Abby and Matthew are in bed, we work on phonics, then you take your nap. You still sleep four days out of five for two hours or so!

After naps we have a little snack. We might play a game together or build block towers in the playroom. Often you watch a half-hour movie while I feed Matthew and make supper. Once Daddy's home for supper, you love to wrestle with him or play music. Before bed we always read more stories, sing a song, and pray together. And that's how our days go.

I love being with you each day, Isaac. You are the “all-boy” I always wanted to have. The other day I heard an explosion. I jumped and ran to find you standing on the verge of tears next to a broken lightbulb. At first you professed to not know how it happened . . . but the Holy Spirit worked in your heart and you confessed that you poured water on the hot light bulb! Such a little experimenter, just like your daddy.

Matthew's Journal

Fall is here! After August 10, the summer took on a decidedly different tone. That Monday morning I took you kiddos hiking in the Skyline wilderness area and then to Taco Bell for lunch. When we got home around 12:30, our house was black with smoke. It was a scary few minutes as I called for the kids to go back to the van and I contemplated going in to save the cat and the photos all the while dialing 911. We waited anxiously in the front yard for the fire trucks to arrive. They finally did – with just minutes to spare before the whole house would have been destroyed. As it was, only the stove, laundry basket and contents on the stove, and the cupboard above were burned. However, there was so much smoke and soot damage that we spent over a month living at Papa and Grammie's house while everything we owned was professionally cleaned!

You seemed to do fine with the change of scenery. However, midway through our time there you got your first ear infection. You started waking more and more frequently at night and crying loudly for long periods, refusing to nurse. It was very trying for me since I was aware of Papa and Grammie and Uncle Joe all trying to sleep throughout the house. And of course then you got used to being responded to instantaneously when you cried and that has made the transition back home rather interesting. I think you're finally getting back into the swing of sleep: though you still usually wake twice during the night at least you're going back to sleep much more easily.

We did lots of special things during the month away from home. Daddy was very busy working on replacing the windows and siding on our house (this was planned before the fire). So I really did try to make it like a mini-vacation for the rest of us: lots of long walks, trips to Sioux Park and Storybook Island and the climbing tree, wading in Rapid Creek. We went to Angostura Lake with Natalie and the cousins on what felt like the only truly hot day of summer (we only saw temps above 90 a couple of times!). We spent a morning swimming and playing at the Trimbles' house in Belle Fourche.

August 27- September 8 your uncles Paul and Kevin were here. They came to help Daddy with the siding. They had fun meeting you and trying to make you laugh. Paul, Kevin and Daddy had to stay at a motel since our house was still uninhabitable so we took advantage of the hotel's pool. You really loved being in the water. You love baths now too (it must have just been the infant bathtub that you hated). As soon as I put you in the water you start splashing and you don't even seem to care if it goes all over your face!

You are a very strong sitter now. It's so nice to be able to just plop you on the floor with some toys. You stay happy that way for quite a while. You're starting to rock forward onto your hands and sometimes you rock too far – onto your face! I've also figured out how to wear you on my back and you are rather fond of that. Your exersaucer is a good option for under ten minutes and you do pretty well in the stroller and car.

You make all kinds of noises now and the kids are always trying to interpret: “Matthew said Mama. He said hi!” and I just nod and smile because I don't think you've actually said a word yet. You are very taken with the kitty and you do seem to be able to communicate what you want pretty well – holding out your arms to be held or looking hard at what you want.

Food is still an issue. You are nursing much better, even occasionally with other people in the room. However, you will have nothing to do with baby food. I have started giving you bites of rice or banana or bread and you LOVE it! Your favorite so far was refried beans! So we may just skip the baby food altogether. You are refusing the sippy cup of formula also, so I may be nursing you full time until you're one. With the other kids I had cut down to twice-a-day nursing by seven months, so you're getting the red carpet treatment, I guess.

Your little dimples make my day. Your daddy makes your day and you can hardly stand to be held by me when he's in the room. Neither of the other kids was a daddy's baby at this age! I'm so happy you're ours. It's so fun to see yet another personality revealed and I pray often that you will know HIM.

Abby's Journal

Fall is here! After August 10, the summer took on a decidedly different tone. That Monday morning I took you kiddos hiking in the Skyline wilderness area and then to Taco Bell for lunch. When we got home around 12:30, our house was black with smoke. It was a scary few minutes as I called for you kids to go back to the van and I contemplated going in to save the cat and the photos all the while dialing 911. We waited anxiously in the front yard for the fire trucks to arrive. They finally did – with just minutes to spare before the whole house would have been destroyed. As it was, only the stove, laundry basket and contents on the stove, and the cupboard above were burned. However, there was so much smoke and soot damage that we spent over a month living at Papa and Grammie's house while everything we owned was professionally cleaned!

You asked many, many times, “Why did our house have a fire?” or “Why did my swimming suit get all burned up?” I was a bit concerned that you would have a lot of fear surrounding the incident, but as the weeks went on the questions were less and you never even had difficulty sleeping, so I'm very thankful. You enjoyed being at Papa and Grammie's house. Different toys, different yard, and grandparents every day were a winning combination. You especially took to the Lincoln Logs, learning to build a tall “house” complete with roof!

We did lots of special things during that month. Daddy was very busy working on replacing the windows and siding on our house (this was planned before the fire). So I really did try to make it like a mini-vacation for the rest of us: lots of long walks, trips to Sioux Park and Storybook Island and the climbing tree, wading in Rapid Creek. We went to Angostura Lake with Natalie and the cousins on what felt like the only truly hot day of summer (we only saw temps above 90 a couple of times!). We also spent a morning swimming and playing at the Trimbles' house in Belle Fourche while Lydia and Gracie were there visiting from Iowa
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August 27- September 8 your uncles Paul and Kevin were here. They came to help Daddy with the siding. You got a kick out of being around them, tickling and charming them. You helped me take lunch to them at the house everyday. Paul, Kevin and Daddy had to stay at a motel since our house was still uninhabitable so we took advantage of the hotel's pool and waterslide. You went down the waterslide with Mama and Daddy a few times – though you did specify that you wanted to go slowly.

You are always pretending. There's always someone else in the room with us, whether it's the sick giraffe Alacia (ah-lay-cee-ah), the cousin Olivia from Colorado or the friend Ewen who is going to the store with you. Somehow you have an inexhaustible supply of names and scenarios in your little mind! You've also been quite the Mama's girl the past few months. You always want to be doing what I'm doing and can hardly stand to even be in a different room! It's very charming and sweet most of the time, and somewhat annoying the rest of the time!

I got you your own hairbrush and you love to brush your hair and mine. You constantly ask when you will get to have a baby sister. You wrote the letter “A” unassisted. You are memorizing Bible verses set to song that I play in the van and you walk around singing half-correct versions. You shriek loudly whenever Isaac does something you deem unacceptable. You are often very weepy in the morning until I get some food in you. You like to kiss people's knees. You love to make ice cream or smoothies in the sandbox. You ask if we can go to the donut shop almost every day. You are tall for two and everyone thinks you are older.

You are delightful.

Isaac's Journal

Fall is here! After August 10, the summer took on a decidedly different tone. That Monday morning I took you kiddos hiking in the Skyline wilderness area and then to Taco Bell for lunch. When we got home around 12:30, our house was black with smoke. It was a scary few minutes as I called for you kids to go back to the van and I contemplated going in to save the cat and the photos all the while dialing 911. We waited anxiously in the front yard for the fire trucks to arrive. They finally did – with just minutes to spare before the whole house would have been destroyed. As it was, only the stove, laundry basket and contents on the stove, and the cupboard above were burned. However, there was so much smoke and soot damage that we spent over a month living at Papa and Grammie's house while everything we owned was professionally cleaned!

You loved being at their house. I think it was mostly that there were always extra people around to listen to you talk . . . plus Grammie read you stories and Papa took you on bike rides. It all added up to more attention than Mama can give you at home while trying to run the house AND raise the kids – you thought you were on vacation!

We did lots of special things during that month. Daddy was very busy working on replacing the windows and siding on our house (this was planned before the fire). So I really did try to make it like a mini-vacation for the rest of us: lots of long walks (bike for you of course), trips to Sioux Park and Storybook Island and the climbing tree, wading in Rapid Creek. We went to Angostura Lake with Natalie and the cousins on what felt like the only truly hot day of summer (we only saw temps above 90 a couple of times!). We spent a morning swimming and playing at the Trimbles' house in Belle Fourche. Grammie took you bowling and out to lunch. Papa and Uncle Joe took you to a Mustang car show and out to supper.

August 27- September 8 your uncles Paul and Kevin were here. They came to help Daddy with the siding. You got a kick out of being around them and especially “helping” with the siding. You walked around with a measuring tape and a pen and wrote lists just like Daddy. Paul, Kevin and Daddy had to stay at a motel since our house was still uninhabitable and you got to sleep there with the big guys a couple of nights too. We also took advantage of the hotel's pool and waterslide. You are getting so brave in the water! You even float on your back with a noodle under your arms and kick across the pool.

Whenever you'd skip your nap at Grammie's I'd cave and let you watch a movie. I think you saw Beauty and the Beast six or seven times over that month. You would say, “Mom, I just love Beauty and the Beast.” Now at home you've figured out how to play some little phrase on the piano that comes from the movie. The first time you plucked those high tinkly notes you said, “Mom, that's from the part where Beauty . . .” and now you play it all the time. You and Dad were jamming one night at home and you started drumming and singing simultaneously, “I'm in the band . . . I'm in the ba – and.” Dad made up an accompaniment and you sang on key and it was really very exciting.

You learned to pump a swing at Sioux Park and now you often ask to go swing somewhere – it seems that you are really peaceful flying through the air and you often pump for ten minutes or more. When you're really happy, everyone knows it. Your face just splits with a smile that splits my heart and makes me love you more every time. You have the best smile. I find myself scheming ways to make that grin appear.

And now it's on to a school year of learning to read and maybe even to add and subtract. Your legs grow longer and you like shirts with no pictures and you start to ask me questions like “Did God make himself?” (He made everything else after all). I feel always three feet behind you as you charge ahead through life. I'm gathering the grins, the moments and memories into my heart so that I can remember one day when I have more time to ponder. My Isaac at four.

What I learned because my house was spared

Almost four weeks ago, we had a kitchen fire that took out our stove, a laundry basket full of towels, the range hood, and the cabinet above the stove. The firemen hacked through the wall behind the stove to check for electrical problems, so that was gone too. The entire house smelled horribly of smoke and most everything was coated in a layer of black soot.

The night before the fire, I had gone to bed with my tummy in knots as I contemplated the mess Keith made as he replaced a bedroom window. How would I cope with the inconvenience as he moved on to replace the rest of the windows?

Less than twenty-four hours after my bedtime ponderings, my entire house was an inconvenient mess and I felt nothing but gratitude.

Sometimes I have to learn the hard way.

If the kids and I had gotten back from our Monday morning hike just three minutes later, the whole house would have been a loss. Instead, I can walk through my home and finger photo albums and the kids' special toys, mercifully spared.

The fire was technically my fault, since I must have bumped a knob when I set the basket of towels on the flat-top stove. But not a single accusatory word has passed my husband's lips. Instead, he has encouraged me, forgiven me, and helped me to understand that to him, "It's just stuff."

I could have needed to perform the necessary cleaning and repairs with three little kids in tow. Instead, I stop by our house daily to feed the cat and chat with the contractors replacing cabinets in the kitchen and say hi to the professional cleaning ladies who are scouring every single object we own, all courtesy of the insurance company.

We could have been "out on the streets" with no place to stay while our house was returned to a livable condition. But my parents have opened their home to us for nearly a month now. The kids are thriving in the familiar environment that is "Papa and Grammie's house" with the benefit of a big backyard and a playroom. And no "in-law" conflict to speak of - thank you Lord for my parents and husband who are truly sanctified saints.

The gifts that are my children and husband would have truly been enough had our house been taken. But it wasn't and now oddly I feel that I have too much. Life is really simple at the heart of it: a roof over our heads, even if it's not "ours". A couple of pairs of clothes. Food to fill our tummies. Lots of snuggles and kisses. Some invigorating fresh air and a few books to feed our minds. A precious Savior and His precious Word.

I have all of these wonderful simple things living here at my parent's house. And then there's still my whole house full of stuff across town. I don't deserve any of it. And frankly, I need very little. I keep thinking of all that could have been burned up if our home had been destroyed. I would have been sad to lose the photographs, of course. And my journals. But everything else could have been replaced. Not that we need it all anyway.

The thing is, one day all of my things will be burned up. They won't last. So I'm left with this odd tension between desiring to make our home a little piece of heaven on earth and the knowledge that it's so much more important to store my treasures in the heaven where I will spend eternity.

What does that look like? I used to think that it just meant that we ought to love most the things that will last. People, God's Word. But now I wonder if I've missed part of it. Doesn't the way I spend my money reflect what I truly love? Surely it's not wrong to buy myself an ice cream cone. But what if I'm spending money on myself everyday at a rate far outpacing the money I give to others? What does that say about my love for people? And what does it say about my love for God's Word, which commands that Christians care for the poor and condemns those who overlook their needs?

My heart keeps being drawn to the people who lack even the simple things. And I wonder that I can continue to indulge myself when I have far more than I need already.

I have a house after all.